As I Look Back (Part 2)
Coming back to me, these ‘bullies’ never had problems getting me into captivity as all they had to do was to gently ask me to take my place, and I would quietly obey, like a lamb to the slaughter. They would always free me like gentlemen, unharmed, as soon as the sun shone directly into my classroom; when more students started to arrive and when the bell would go off anytime. (Honestly,I really can’t fully understand the nature of the whole situation! But maybe they were nice ‘bullies’ to me because I was ‘nice’ to them. I don’t know.)
In my captivity, I had a lot of time think. And come to think of it, I actually possessed a very positive attitude even at that tender age. I would just stand there, watching the notorious ‘leader’ who even teachers could not handle, and realize that it was not that bad after all being in there…I used that time to pray, and I didn’t hate them ( I have my wonderful parents’ guidance and teachings about love and God to thank:). My initial fears soon turned to a routine that did not bother me much. Although I didn’t enjoy being held captive in the dark, with not much space to move, I stopped fearing it. And I continued to pray for them to just leave me alone or to change my method of ‘bullying’. Many times I would politely request freedom, but they would assure me that being ‘in there’ was just for a little while and that there was no reason for me to kick up a fuss.
Of love and might…might was definitely out of the question! :P
While I was behind those closed doors, I would think of all the things that I had heard about this ‘bully’; that he was a Malaysian Indian and British hybrid and had just arrived in Malaysia from England, and that he had difficulties adjusting to the new environment, besides facing family problems. “Maybe this is why he is so naughty? Maybe he needs a little bit more care and attention?” (must have picked this up from my parents’ conversation :p) I would think to myself. And I would pray for God to help him adapt himself in our foreign land and overcome all his problems. Occasionally, I would even ask my mom to give me a few extra packet drinks for recess to share with these boys, besides my friends. These ‘bullies’ soon started being nicer to me and shared their colour pencils – a 36 piece set- a luxury!( Praise the Lord!) – with my friends and me…and the “leader” made it an order that we utilized it. In fact, this big ‘bully’ had a very soft side which could be noticed when he saw any of our classmates in trouble. He would speak up for the fearful innocent children to teachers when they got scoldings they didn’t deserve. And if any children from different classes were rude to us or attempted to bully us, he would be our superhero to the rescue. In that sense, he protected us. He was also very generous in sharing with the class, all the academic magazines he bought daily.
(By the way, no one dared disobey his orders! Even kind orders! Because if caught not making use of his kindness, he would withdraw his kindness permanently. Looking back, I am very amazed by the authority he commanded and the how much he was hated, well loved and followed by many, all at the same time – he possessed some of the characteristics of a charismatic as well as directive leader in the making, to a certain extent. When I studied that particular chapter in my Leadership course, I couldn’t help but think of him. I’m sure he would make a great leader if nurtured in the right environment to sharpen those skills.)
Soon after that, the miracle took place! One morning, as I was about to be ushered into my “non-torturous cell,” a few little boys came running behind the ‘leader’. They were begging him to let them have my place! They pushed the cupboards further apart to make room for 3 children at one go, and asked if I was willing to give up my turn!!! These boys poured out their grievances to the “leader,” saying that he was being unfair in allowing only one person the privilege of that so called ‘spaceship’ experience for so long!!!
I couldn’t believe my ears and just stood there dumbfounded…The “leader” finally declared, as if he was the king of the world, “I need to be fair. From today onwards, all those who want a chance must line up and take turns.” Looking at me, with a smile across his face, he announced, “Your turn is over. You can go.” And his ‘disciples’ asked me whether I was ok with it! I was more than overjoyed of course! My prayers were finally answered. I still find it very difficult to how comprehend how an instrument of detention could become a ‘spaceship’ experience.( This would open a brand new topic on perspectives.)
And that was the end my early hours behind those overlapped doors. From that day on, it was my turn to watch from the outside, the excitement of those boys queuing up in front of the cupboard, anxiously waiting for their turn before the school bell rang!
I have no idea where this ‘one of a kind’ boy is now. This ‘bully’ left for England by the end of that year itself. Without him in my class, my classroom life in Standard 1 would have most probably been a very quiet one and boring one. Reminiscing, I can only smile and thank the Lord for teaching me to love in such a unique way and for giving me an unforgettable experience to share:).
Of love and might, in my case, love prevailed. To me, at that point of time, might never even crossed my mind. It was not at all an option, due to my physical limitations and my personality. Love was my only way out of my predicament…and it proved worthwhile:)
In my captivity, I had a lot of time think. And come to think of it, I actually possessed a very positive attitude even at that tender age. I would just stand there, watching the notorious ‘leader’ who even teachers could not handle, and realize that it was not that bad after all being in there…I used that time to pray, and I didn’t hate them ( I have my wonderful parents’ guidance and teachings about love and God to thank:). My initial fears soon turned to a routine that did not bother me much. Although I didn’t enjoy being held captive in the dark, with not much space to move, I stopped fearing it. And I continued to pray for them to just leave me alone or to change my method of ‘bullying’. Many times I would politely request freedom, but they would assure me that being ‘in there’ was just for a little while and that there was no reason for me to kick up a fuss.
Of love and might…might was definitely out of the question! :P
While I was behind those closed doors, I would think of all the things that I had heard about this ‘bully’; that he was a Malaysian Indian and British hybrid and had just arrived in Malaysia from England, and that he had difficulties adjusting to the new environment, besides facing family problems. “Maybe this is why he is so naughty? Maybe he needs a little bit more care and attention?” (must have picked this up from my parents’ conversation :p) I would think to myself. And I would pray for God to help him adapt himself in our foreign land and overcome all his problems. Occasionally, I would even ask my mom to give me a few extra packet drinks for recess to share with these boys, besides my friends. These ‘bullies’ soon started being nicer to me and shared their colour pencils – a 36 piece set- a luxury!( Praise the Lord!) – with my friends and me…and the “leader” made it an order that we utilized it. In fact, this big ‘bully’ had a very soft side which could be noticed when he saw any of our classmates in trouble. He would speak up for the fearful innocent children to teachers when they got scoldings they didn’t deserve. And if any children from different classes were rude to us or attempted to bully us, he would be our superhero to the rescue. In that sense, he protected us. He was also very generous in sharing with the class, all the academic magazines he bought daily.
(By the way, no one dared disobey his orders! Even kind orders! Because if caught not making use of his kindness, he would withdraw his kindness permanently. Looking back, I am very amazed by the authority he commanded and the how much he was hated, well loved and followed by many, all at the same time – he possessed some of the characteristics of a charismatic as well as directive leader in the making, to a certain extent. When I studied that particular chapter in my Leadership course, I couldn’t help but think of him. I’m sure he would make a great leader if nurtured in the right environment to sharpen those skills.)
Soon after that, the miracle took place! One morning, as I was about to be ushered into my “non-torturous cell,” a few little boys came running behind the ‘leader’. They were begging him to let them have my place! They pushed the cupboards further apart to make room for 3 children at one go, and asked if I was willing to give up my turn!!! These boys poured out their grievances to the “leader,” saying that he was being unfair in allowing only one person the privilege of that so called ‘spaceship’ experience for so long!!!
I couldn’t believe my ears and just stood there dumbfounded…The “leader” finally declared, as if he was the king of the world, “I need to be fair. From today onwards, all those who want a chance must line up and take turns.” Looking at me, with a smile across his face, he announced, “Your turn is over. You can go.” And his ‘disciples’ asked me whether I was ok with it! I was more than overjoyed of course! My prayers were finally answered. I still find it very difficult to how comprehend how an instrument of detention could become a ‘spaceship’ experience.( This would open a brand new topic on perspectives.)
And that was the end my early hours behind those overlapped doors. From that day on, it was my turn to watch from the outside, the excitement of those boys queuing up in front of the cupboard, anxiously waiting for their turn before the school bell rang!
I have no idea where this ‘one of a kind’ boy is now. This ‘bully’ left for England by the end of that year itself. Without him in my class, my classroom life in Standard 1 would have most probably been a very quiet one and boring one. Reminiscing, I can only smile and thank the Lord for teaching me to love in such a unique way and for giving me an unforgettable experience to share:).
Of love and might, in my case, love prevailed. To me, at that point of time, might never even crossed my mind. It was not at all an option, due to my physical limitations and my personality. Love was my only way out of my predicament…and it proved worthwhile:)
posted by JJ at 8:18 PM
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