I Am 22, Going On 23 (Part 1 of 3)

Part 1


“How old will you be next year?” My aunty suddenly asked me out of the blue last week. Having watched me grow and yet see me looking pretty much the same, she had lost track of my age. I said “22”, but my sister corrected me – 23. Phew! Twenty- three! There is so much that I plan to achieve before a certain age and I haven’t even started. I have yet to find a permanent job to start with. I don’t feel age catching up at all, living in with family and seeing the same people at church every week and when everything is so familiar.

“Why are you so small sized and skinny? Look at you! Do you look like your age at all? Look at your cousin. She’s just a year older than you… I saw her clad in tight jeans, she looks her age, more fleshy…with make-up and all…”and some people can go on and on… Surprisingly, I don’t get upset or frustrated by these kinds of comparisons these days. I am attempting to eat more and do what I can, but some things are just beyond me. (To take it positively, I’m blessed with young looks, he he! Maybe they’ll appreciate it if they have it later years!) I just smile and reply, “Well, this is me and that is her:P.”

Lately, there has been an outbreak of pimples on my forehead that earned me the embarrassing nickname- ‘pimple face’- by a few. I just ate a little bit more chocolates and cookies than usual in conjunction with the festival season, and I got up a few days later to find those dreadful zits! In the past, a maximum of 5 pimples emerged at a time, with a similar diet, and they disappeared very fast. This time round, more than 10 appeared at a go (my sister did the counting!). When I went to church, 2 little girls, a teenage girl, an aunty, and a guy a few years older than me, all asked me what happened to my face!

Trust me, I am doing my best to keep those zits under control – face masks, lots of water, controlled diet etc… but I guess my hormones were just raging against me:( The guy older than me however ‘enlightened’ me about a very funny superstition. He asked me “Who’s the guy who caused these pimples? Tell me now. He must be thinking of you so much, that’s why those pimples appear on your face! Or are you in love? (I was thinking, whoever it was who created that superstition must have been trying to console him or her own self, ha ha!)

Truly, when it comes to work or studies (when perfection is achievable to a large extent, ceteris paribus), I can endeavor to achieve perfection…but when things are just beyond my control, they got me really frustrated initially. I am most definitely imperfect physically, but I do try my best to look clean, fresh, nice and presentable. I was very much bothered by things like this at first, but I have learned to just let go. Thus, I have come up with a new philosophy; I don’t have to be perfect when perfection is beyond my control. This philosophy has helped me cope better.

While there are a few who are quick to give me nicknames when they see my ‘imperfect points’, there are others who have helped me to be happy being myself. A couple of months back, there was another outbreak of pimples on face. I don’t usually apply cosmetics on my face (except on some special occasions – and colored lip balm always) but I began using them more regularly in my attempt to make those hideous bumps less noticeable. One of my good guy friends from church came over and asked me,” Why are you putting such things on your face?” and I replied that I was trying to cover those pimples. I was surprised by his words, “Why can’t you just be natural like before? It’s not like you can’t see the zits with the make-up…You look just fine…better without it…” Another older guy also commented similarly. I always thought it was the guys who had high expectations for girls to look perfect, but his words shed light that there are people who do not despise the ‘natural’ look. Now, I’m not so conscious about these inevitable things that come and go, and am happy being me.

I Am 22, Going On 23 (Part 2 of 3)

Part 2

Another BIG question that I should anticipate in many a conversation nowadays is “ Do you have a boyfriend yet? When do you plan to get married?” Age is a matter of great importance to a girl when it comes to marriage, they say, especially in my community.
My response used to be, “I’m still young (I still feel I am). There’s no hurry. If and when the time is right, if it’s God’s will that I should marry, I will. ” But people don’t seem to accept the first half of my answer any more. “22 going on 23…you need to accept a guy, don’t be too picky or wait to long, get to know him for 2 or 3 years and get married by 26…that’s just nice” is what they say. Sounds very nice and ideal indeed, but life is not as simple as that, is it? Marriage is for life. One cannot be simply accepting just anyone because ‘age is catching up’.

Over the years, some of my friends have asked me time and again at different points of times regarding different people. “Why won’t you accept this guy? He seems nice and compatible with you.” But I had my own issues that they did not know about. I would not consider myself very choosy or think very highly of myself. I know of some people who have criteria for the ‘right guy’ that included the complexion, the kind of nose, specific material and financial possession and status. I am not like that at all. I just believe that if and when I meet the right guy, I would just know in my heart…

Recently, I’ve been getting several prank smses. One guy tried to impersonate another and make me believe that he was the other guy. ( I wonder what some people get doing things like this!) Earlier this year, the same guy was trying to take our friendship to a higher level, but even when I declined as nicely and politely as I possibly could, he began talking to me with hostility. “ Do you think you are a beauty queen or an actress that I should come after you? You reject me now. One day, you will come after me and at that time, I will reject you.” He told me this, after I explained my reasons and offered to pray that he finds the right person. My sister said I should be angry and tell him off, but I didn’t feel that way. In fact, I felt disappointed by his attitude… A few days back (after ages without communication) he asked me how I was, through sms. I replied that my life was ok; the same; good- and I asked him how he was doing. He replied, “OK, very OK, Without you.” By the way, he has a girlfriend now. Honestly, I felt very hurt by just that one line. It made me feel as if he believed I have always wished for his life to be ‘not OK’ since I did not accept him, while I have never failed to remember him in my prayers for his well being…To think that we were once pretty good friends! It’s sad…

I still have one unknown sms sender. At first, I suspected the previous impersonator, but later supposed it might be the impersonated one as well. Now, I am completely confused. Innitially, I felt a little frustrated about why some people just can’t seem to leave me alone, but come to think of it, it’s not that bad after all. They are not stalking me, and in a way, they add a little spice to my life. This ‘unknown friend’ who refuses to reveal his or her identity of mine forwards me some nice Christian smses occasionally.

I Am 22, Going On 23 (Part 3 of 3)

Part 3

I miss university life a lot, and all my wonderful friends. All the good times we shared…I feel it even more in times like this, especially during the festive breaks. Back in uni, Audrey, Yin Ling and I would chat over lunches and class breaks, or hang out… I would go visiting with classmates, have dinners with Vesha, attend bible study, cell group and church with those wonderful members, and catch a movie with Stephanie; play the guitar with Chin Nee while she played the violin; have a drink or supper with Vishnu occasionally to catch up on each other; keep busy and share nice times with club committee members, stay over at Florence’ place when the club got us busy up to our noses; jogging, mountain climbing, walking, suppers and chit chats with Kiran; go to Jaya Jusco, Tesco or Mahkota Parade, watch vcds using the computer with my roommate, Aruna (since we did not have a television) etc….

I thank God that over here, He gave me the opportunity to join the Young Adults cell…I really look forward to it every week and the members are really nice. They are my friends over here. Although I only just began joining it, I’ve had some good times together with them…And it’s nice to remember that the person who invited me to the cell group is actually one of my childhood friends with whom I had not kept in touch in years…
Basically, my social life here revolves around church related activities…Anyway, it’s good I don’t go out individually with friends here like in uni, to share about life ( but occasionally I get the opportunity when my uni friends are back here), so my thoughts and stories primarily flow through my blogging. Hence, my super-long blogs! Sometimes, I wonder if my friends actually read my blogs till the end since they are so long…but I tend to allow myself to defy the “Keep It Short and Sweet-KISS” rule.

Hmm… so much for 22 going on 23…for me, not very much different from “I am 16, going on 17,” as it goes in one of my favorite songs in The Sound of Music…It is still very close to my heart as are the other songs in the musical. A very beautiful and meaningful story…Well, while not all stories in life may have a fairy-tale ending, “if you see the wonder of a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail.” And one can continue to sing “I have a dream”, and keep the faith.