New Year is here….

Talking about the New Year, some things have changed while others remain the same. To start with, I bought a new pc! The cost to purchase a new CPU alone would amount to more than the cost of purchasing a new set, so I decided on a new one. My old one was down for what seems like eternity. I was without my pc and internet access for so long that I learnt to live without it. Now I also have internet access to complement my new pc! It feels like I have a life now:)

What else is new? Let me see…Hmm..I’ve got a new job – administrative work in a law firm / insurance adjusting company. And I’m giving home tuition to my ex-students on weekday nights.

You know what, before my work started, when I had lots of free time, I was craving so much for a pc and internet access, but I did not have it. Now that I have the pc and internet, time is a major factor. There’s just so much to do, with tuition, books to read, cleaning the house etc…Just have to manage my time well.

Another thing, remember I told you about a guy who said one I’ll come after him and he’ll reject me? Well, we were not on talking terms ever since, but we are now. I thought that it wasn’t right for us to have ‘cold wars’ being fellow church members. It took humility for me to make the first move to start a conversation with him shortly before Christmas, and Praise the Lord! He responded well. We both never mentioned the past. Let bygones be bygones.J

Some things that are the same…I still get phantom numbers on my phone – smses and calls. I kept my phone on 'silence' each time the ‘no number’ call came. I decided to leave it on ‘vibrate’ while at work so that I could attempt answering the call yesterday (the call came almost every day during office hours for the whole week). But the call only came when I went to the loo and I was unable to answer it, to my greatest dismay. Today, there was no call at all. I guess the person must have got tired of calling. And as my colleague said , “maybe God doesn’t want you to answer”….”takdirlah tu”….ha ha.

Hmm….nothing else to say for now…Missing all my university friends very much! Keep in touch. Take care, ya!:)

“The year that has gone has made us strong. The path was long but we walked with a song. There were fears and tears but also reasons for cheers. Welcoming the New Year 2006 with best wishes.”

-That was one of the most meaningful New Year sms I received because it came from a person who really meant what he said, and I was truly surprised that it was not a forwarded sms but one that came from the sincerity of his heart.

HAVE A BLESSED NEW YEAR !

Love…according to the Bible in 1 Corinthians 4-8

1Co 13:4 Love has patience, is kind; love is not envious; love is not vain, is not puffed up;

1Co 13:5 does not behave indecently, does not pursue its own things, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil;

1Co 13:6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth.

1Co 13:7 Love quietly covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1Co 13:8 Love never fails…

In the end, it doesn’t really matter

“What shall I get my adorable 6 year old friend for Christmas? What about the sweet 1O year old girl?” Yes, looking for suitable gifts was part of my hustle and bustle during the Christmas season. And guess what! I bought quite a number of very cute little gifts for my little friends about a month before Christmas only to find that the plastic bag full of the presents had disappeared a week before Christmas! My family had been busy giving my home a new look – rearranging and clearing. I can only say that my presents are hidden in some dark corner of my house or they have been cleared away! And cleared away means inside the garbage bin! My mom even went through the rubbish outside but could not find it…Perhaps it had been taken away by the garbage truck alreadyL

My initial reaction was to get angry with myself for not placing it in a safe place. Then I went on to get angry with the others in my house because I told them not to touch my ‘area’, and that I would clear my territory the next day as I was busy with other things, but they just could not wait. After that, the very consoling word which makes accepting things like this a whole deal easier – fate, or ‘takdir,’or ‘nasib’ in Malay. Maybe the kids were destined not to receive the gifts:P (how meanL) or maybe the gifts were not that suitable and I should get something better. I admit that I bought those gifts in a hurry but they were indeed cute and attractive… But what a waste of the gifts that I boughtL. And it’s not like I’m earning. But I loved them more than those paper notes and jingling coins.

I never found the gifts despite searching every reachable part of my house, and I ended up buying new presents for the little ones. This time, I choose the gifts with more thought of the individual child’s liking, especially for the 2 children who are like my very own siblings. And the reward I got from their faces is among my best moments of my life! The little boy said that he had asked his dad to buy it for him before, but his dad refused him at that time. Now he has it as a gift. And the little girl was elated because my gift matched her new clothes and shoes.

And I got a few totally unexpected gifts this Christmas! They really made me happy. When I say, really happy, I really mean it. I was frustrated about so many things and feeling rather down, and everything seemed to be deliberately going against me. I got scolding almost every time I said innocently asked for clarification or gave my opinion. Somehow, those unexpected gifts gave me a reason to smile when I remembered them in the midst of all my frustrations, unknowing to those angelic givers. Sometimes, little things go a long way, don’t they?:)

I realized something along the way which made me feel bad…my gaze was shifting away from the true gift of Christmas, Jesus Christ, to petty things like lost presents. But when I refocused on that Greatest Gift of all, I felt good on the inside to realize that when I felt frustrated, I was just being human, being a creature of emotion. But in the end, all those frustrations don’t matter after all.

Love is Life

As I read through my own blog, I come to realize that the theme of my current blog entries is Love. I didn’t decide on this theme, but somehow all that I want to say are revolving around the topic of love. Almost every secular movie and TV show (English, Chinese, Tamil, Malay, Hindi & Filipino) that I watched last month spoke to me strongly about love, as I was going through a challenge to love, forgive and accept others just the way they are.

I’ll begin with one of the Hindi movies that I watched – “Kal Ho Naa Ho” (We don’t know what tomorrow may be). It was an extremely touching story about how a single, young guy (name: Khan) who had very little time to live due to heart problems that he kept a secret, went around trying to bring cheer into the lives of whomever he met. Knowing that in time, he would remain nothing but a painful memory to the girl, he loved her (whom he knew reciprocated his love) so much to the extent of denying his love and materializing her marriage to her best friend (another guy who loved her with all his heart). These scenes really moved me to tears but I found the story of the girl’s mother even more powerful. The girl’s father had committed suicide when she was little and people blamed her mother for many years, because they believed that father could not cope with the burden of adopting a different little girl (insisted by the mother). When Khan entered their life, he discovered and revealed the hidden secret. The little girl was actually a product of adultery committed by the man and another woman. But his wife was so forgiving, and instead of being stung by hatred towards her husband’s unfaithfulness, she saw the need in the child’s eyes for love. She took the child as her own while her husband was too ashamed to face the truth and ended his life, and the child’s biological mother abandoned her. The woman’s silence, acceptance and forgiveness are just truly remarkable!

Another Hindi movie that I watched was equally emotionally moving. “Mohabbatein” (I don’t remember what it means, but it is something meaningful). This movie told of a lad from a boarding school with very strict rules, who fell in love with his principal’s only child, a beautiful student of the opposite boarding school. When the principal’s truthful and doting daughter confessed her relationship to her father, he expelled the lad immediately without ever meeting him or giving him a second chance, so that he would never be seen again. The daughter, on the other hand, longing to be a filial daughter but unable to forget her love, silently commits suicide. The principal never believed in love because to him, love meant pain. He loved his wife dearly but her death caused him much pain. He feared that love would cause his daughter pain. The young lad grew up to be a dynamic teacher (choosing to never marry another) and returned to the boarding school, with the secret goal of bringing love, life and color not only into the school, but also to the life of his unsuspecting former principal. The teacher tried ways and means to touch the life of his lover’s father, but the principal held on strongly to the belief that in the battle of love and fear, fear always won. Therefore he opposed the teacher in all possible ways. But in the end, the principal was proven wrong, and for once in his life, truly understood what love meant. Love will always win. What I find very noteworthy about the lad’s character was his ability to understand and forgive the principal’s actions (although they were wrong) against his love relationship, even to the extent to returning to show the principal the meaning of love. It was just beautiful.

Even as I watched those movies, I pondered over the words of Jesus I have learnt since young, “Love your neighbour as you love yourself…love your enemies…bless those who curse you…Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing (while being crucified on the Cross)…” Those movies illustrated the teachings of love in many ways… And I reflected on my own life. Last month brought back many unpleasant memories of Christmas time the year before. Every little impatient, mean or hurting action or word of the people involved haunted me with flashbacks of the events that took place, although totally unrelated. At one point, I looked into someone’s eyes with indescribable hatred in my heart, that I told Jesus, “I am really sorry to say this. I thought I had forgiven him, but I really, really hate him. Please help me love him the way You do.”

And God did help me love him, by allowing me to be in even more circumstances that made me sacrifice my comfort, my preferences, and my final say even when I am right and learn to be not to take hurting words to heart. I realized that to love means to forgive and accept a person just he or she is. It is a deliberate action that takes a lot of effort strength. It is not a ‘one-time’ thing but a continuous action. When I did not love, I became bitter on the inside and it affected the way I related with the people involved. It made me unhappy. When I denied my hatred, it only emerged stronger later. But when I chose to love, I began to see the other people’s own hurts that caused them to behave the way they did. And my forgiveness soon yielded results. I felt good on the inside – at peace with both God and man – and also on the outside, my body did not feel so tense anymore and my heart felt lighter.

Some people say that it’s unfair and weak to forgive those who hurt us or to let them off easily but Jesus knew best when He taught us to love. After all, it is for our own good. I tell myself “one good deed is enough to cover a lifetime of wickedness” and I recall the good a person has done, when hatred comes creeping. And if there is no good deed to remember, and at all times, Christ’ love on the cross is reason enough to forgive. Truly, love is life. I don’t see how there could be any other way to live.