Reflections
Another Friday, another long break for lunch - 12.15pm to 2.45pm. I just had my lunch, and here I am alone in the office, sitting in front of the computer and typing my thoughts. Should I sing "All by myself (Celine Dion)," or "Lonely(Akon)"? Well, neither..I am actually enjoing this privacy to blog since my room has not yet been equipped with a computer. Just yesterday, one of the staff took a picture of me in my room which looks pretty empty..a picture in remembrance of the emptyness when I just started work. I wish I had a scanner. I could then upload the picture.
Before the job
Being alone has given me the opportunity to do some reflections on my experiences which have brought me here. I remember day I filled up the application form for this job, weeks after my mother's constant reminders. I could fill in 10 options on the form. I had filled in 9 options and was contemplating the final choice. This particular job title that I am holding sounded the most interesting compared to all the rest, but it's requirements were the highest. And although at that time, I knew next to nothing about the job, I was sure that it would take me away from home, to God knows where. Thus, I did not want to include it in the form. However, something in my heart kept urging me to include it, and I kept inserting and deleting the job title numerous times before I finally decided to leave it there as the 10th choice.
After several months of long waiting, I received a letter calling me to sit for a qualifying 2-days examination in Johor Bahru. Innitially, I was declared to my family that I was not sitting for it because I had some other plans at the back of my head, and I did not want this to interfere with my further decisions.Nevertheless, at the same time, I was actually searching and praying for the right path to take in my life (although I did have some plans), as far as career is concerned. Right from the beginning, I subconsciously feared the unknowns related to this job, and I wondered if it was worth taking the risk applying for it. One - I didn't want to have failure on my record.( I have heard that it was very difficult to pass the test). "Why should I put myself through it when I may not actually want it?" I asked myself. Two - "What do I do if I pass?" Where must I go from here?".....Finally, after much persuasion and 'brain-washing' by my parents, I finally yielded and agreed to sit for the examination. Considering also the fact that I was actually searching, it was reasonable for me to give this application a fair chance.
I believed that the results would only be out much later, but to my greatest surprise, it came early. And I passed! I didn't know whether to smile or to cry. This meant that I would have to proceed to the second level, the 2-days assessment, and I was not even sure whether or not I really wanted what I was applying for. But since the assessment was in Kluang itself, I thought, why not just give it a shot. It was not easy, and I felt my chances of getting through were slim. Nevertheless, I prayed that if I did get the job, I would know that it was not by chance, and I would go wherever He sends me. By the grace of God, I passed yet again.
This time, my feelings of trepidation increased as I waited for anxiously for the details regarding the interview. To my dismay, I was sent a letter calling me to attend an interview for a different position - in fact, my 2nd choice of job in my application. It's funny how all of a sudden, my second choice failed to take on any significance to me, and I decided not to attend the interview. After the trying experience of the examination and assements, I resolved not at all to settle for a different position. I was amazed that this time, my parents had no objections. I took it that somehow my application for the other post has been disqualified due to some unspecified reasons, since I was about to be interviewed for a different job.
Just when I was about to try other options in full swing, I received another letter, calling me for an interview for my current post, stating that I had passed the assessment. Thus, the following week, I attended the interview. The questions were extremely challenging and there were numerous that I was unable to answer satisfactorily. Being a person who is rather critical about my own self, during the interview, I found myself identifying many weak moments. Once again, I knew my chances were slim, but at the back of my mind, I was afraid of where the roads would lead to, if at all I succeeded in the interview. The final stage, the arrow that would determine my path of life, finally pointed up North. I received a letter congratulating me for getting through the interview, and I had to report for a course in Terengganu for 2 weeks.
Getting the job
Throught the whole process since I applied for the job, my friends, especially Young Adults cell members, had been very encouraging and prayed for me. They were happy for me when I got the job, but I was not really sure whether I really was. I remembered my promise to God, and I knew this was His will. But it had not really sinked into my heart and mind that I was a government officer now who must put the interest of my duty to the country above my own. During the course, we were briefed further about the job requirements, further regimented training for 6 months, and the challenges ahead. It sounded very demanding and I wondered if accepting the job meant signing away my freedom. Yes, I would love to serve my country - but to face the possiblilty of being far away from the people I loved for a long time...I just couldn't bear that thought. Out of 370 successful applicants, one had decided to to back out. As I was there in Terengganu, in the big hall together with 369 other fellow coursemates, my feelings palpitated as I signed the final letter of acceptance of the job. There was no turning back now, at least for the next 3 years.That marked the beginning of my placement in the Ministry of Transport in Putrajaya and my posting to Pahang.
Somewhere along the line, I must have lost focus. My eyes which were supposed to be fixed on Jesus were focussed deeply on my circumstances and physical weaknesses. I realized that I have to remember my promise to God and maintain a positive attitude, but perhaps I had forgotten that for that to happen, I am required to believe with unwavering faith in His promises. All the while, I had been depending on my own strength to maintain that positive attitute, and needless to say, it did not sustain me for long. I'm really fortunate to have a wonderful family, and Christian brothers and sisters who care for me and have supported me along the way.
Now that I've started working
Now that I'm in the job, i'm beginning to come to terms with all that is required of my me. As a matter of fact, I am enjoying my job. I get to go for courses to enhance my knowledge, where it feels like a holiday (apart from the lectures, of course), and learn, and gain a lot of new experiences in my everyday work. Last month, I was given the opportunity to look through various cases involving employees, and hear them being analysed according to law. Last week, I had to be the chief invigilator for an internal examination, and one of the candidates' antics really made me laugh. A guy stood up in the middle of the examination for a couple of minutes, rummaging through his papers with one hand, and the other searching deep into his navy blue, uniform pocket. I quickly sent one of the invigilator to his aid but he said nothing at all. At long last, he pulled out a red piece of eraser and held it up the the air!:P Then, he continued with the exam nonchalantly...Next week, I'll get the chance to lead the audit of two enforcement stations in the state...and my work is only just beginning. Of course, I have my fair share of things which I do not quite like, but life just wouldn't be life without them.
At this point of time, I am a lot happier than I was the last the last two months. I can feel it in the air I breath...I have begun to like to eat! Yes, I thank God for the return of a good apetite:) I have not settled down, as far as accomodation and transportation to work is concerned, but in just a matter of time, I will be just fine.
Lunch time is over. Got to go now. Take care and have a nice day! God bless you:)
Before the job
Being alone has given me the opportunity to do some reflections on my experiences which have brought me here. I remember day I filled up the application form for this job, weeks after my mother's constant reminders. I could fill in 10 options on the form. I had filled in 9 options and was contemplating the final choice. This particular job title that I am holding sounded the most interesting compared to all the rest, but it's requirements were the highest. And although at that time, I knew next to nothing about the job, I was sure that it would take me away from home, to God knows where. Thus, I did not want to include it in the form. However, something in my heart kept urging me to include it, and I kept inserting and deleting the job title numerous times before I finally decided to leave it there as the 10th choice.
After several months of long waiting, I received a letter calling me to sit for a qualifying 2-days examination in Johor Bahru. Innitially, I was declared to my family that I was not sitting for it because I had some other plans at the back of my head, and I did not want this to interfere with my further decisions.Nevertheless, at the same time, I was actually searching and praying for the right path to take in my life (although I did have some plans), as far as career is concerned. Right from the beginning, I subconsciously feared the unknowns related to this job, and I wondered if it was worth taking the risk applying for it. One - I didn't want to have failure on my record.( I have heard that it was very difficult to pass the test). "Why should I put myself through it when I may not actually want it?" I asked myself. Two - "What do I do if I pass?" Where must I go from here?".....Finally, after much persuasion and 'brain-washing' by my parents, I finally yielded and agreed to sit for the examination. Considering also the fact that I was actually searching, it was reasonable for me to give this application a fair chance.
I believed that the results would only be out much later, but to my greatest surprise, it came early. And I passed! I didn't know whether to smile or to cry. This meant that I would have to proceed to the second level, the 2-days assessment, and I was not even sure whether or not I really wanted what I was applying for. But since the assessment was in Kluang itself, I thought, why not just give it a shot. It was not easy, and I felt my chances of getting through were slim. Nevertheless, I prayed that if I did get the job, I would know that it was not by chance, and I would go wherever He sends me. By the grace of God, I passed yet again.
This time, my feelings of trepidation increased as I waited for anxiously for the details regarding the interview. To my dismay, I was sent a letter calling me to attend an interview for a different position - in fact, my 2nd choice of job in my application. It's funny how all of a sudden, my second choice failed to take on any significance to me, and I decided not to attend the interview. After the trying experience of the examination and assements, I resolved not at all to settle for a different position. I was amazed that this time, my parents had no objections. I took it that somehow my application for the other post has been disqualified due to some unspecified reasons, since I was about to be interviewed for a different job.
Just when I was about to try other options in full swing, I received another letter, calling me for an interview for my current post, stating that I had passed the assessment. Thus, the following week, I attended the interview. The questions were extremely challenging and there were numerous that I was unable to answer satisfactorily. Being a person who is rather critical about my own self, during the interview, I found myself identifying many weak moments. Once again, I knew my chances were slim, but at the back of my mind, I was afraid of where the roads would lead to, if at all I succeeded in the interview. The final stage, the arrow that would determine my path of life, finally pointed up North. I received a letter congratulating me for getting through the interview, and I had to report for a course in Terengganu for 2 weeks.
Getting the job
Throught the whole process since I applied for the job, my friends, especially Young Adults cell members, had been very encouraging and prayed for me. They were happy for me when I got the job, but I was not really sure whether I really was. I remembered my promise to God, and I knew this was His will. But it had not really sinked into my heart and mind that I was a government officer now who must put the interest of my duty to the country above my own. During the course, we were briefed further about the job requirements, further regimented training for 6 months, and the challenges ahead. It sounded very demanding and I wondered if accepting the job meant signing away my freedom. Yes, I would love to serve my country - but to face the possiblilty of being far away from the people I loved for a long time...I just couldn't bear that thought. Out of 370 successful applicants, one had decided to to back out. As I was there in Terengganu, in the big hall together with 369 other fellow coursemates, my feelings palpitated as I signed the final letter of acceptance of the job. There was no turning back now, at least for the next 3 years.That marked the beginning of my placement in the Ministry of Transport in Putrajaya and my posting to Pahang.
Somewhere along the line, I must have lost focus. My eyes which were supposed to be fixed on Jesus were focussed deeply on my circumstances and physical weaknesses. I realized that I have to remember my promise to God and maintain a positive attitude, but perhaps I had forgotten that for that to happen, I am required to believe with unwavering faith in His promises. All the while, I had been depending on my own strength to maintain that positive attitute, and needless to say, it did not sustain me for long. I'm really fortunate to have a wonderful family, and Christian brothers and sisters who care for me and have supported me along the way.
Now that I've started working
Now that I'm in the job, i'm beginning to come to terms with all that is required of my me. As a matter of fact, I am enjoying my job. I get to go for courses to enhance my knowledge, where it feels like a holiday (apart from the lectures, of course), and learn, and gain a lot of new experiences in my everyday work. Last month, I was given the opportunity to look through various cases involving employees, and hear them being analysed according to law. Last week, I had to be the chief invigilator for an internal examination, and one of the candidates' antics really made me laugh. A guy stood up in the middle of the examination for a couple of minutes, rummaging through his papers with one hand, and the other searching deep into his navy blue, uniform pocket. I quickly sent one of the invigilator to his aid but he said nothing at all. At long last, he pulled out a red piece of eraser and held it up the the air!:P Then, he continued with the exam nonchalantly...Next week, I'll get the chance to lead the audit of two enforcement stations in the state...and my work is only just beginning. Of course, I have my fair share of things which I do not quite like, but life just wouldn't be life without them.
At this point of time, I am a lot happier than I was the last the last two months. I can feel it in the air I breath...I have begun to like to eat! Yes, I thank God for the return of a good apetite:) I have not settled down, as far as accomodation and transportation to work is concerned, but in just a matter of time, I will be just fine.
Lunch time is over. Got to go now. Take care and have a nice day! God bless you:)
posted by JJ at 9:53 PM
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